I struggle with anxiety. There. I said it. Can I go home now? Oh wait. I am home. My air-conditioner was leaking and I’m waiting for the technicians to repair it.
I heard the water trickling behind the walls and just knew. I knew that the water would stimulate a cloud of black mold…or that the walls would fill up with water and damage the entire house…or that somehow an unseen flood of Biblical proportions was seeping into the walls.
Of course, I did the only logical and sensible thing — completely ignore the problem while simultaneously obsessing about imaginary outcomes. That is, until my throat started bothering me today. The black mold!
As soon as I got to work, I called maintenance to schedule an appointment. They classified it as an emergency and rushed over. After pulling an embarrassing amount of hair ties from underneath the air cooling unit (my cat has a serious addiction to hiding them), they determined the filter was blocked.
Easy peasy lemon squeezey. No black mold. Not a drop of water outside the AC room…well except on the floor. Twenty three minutes later, the repairmen walked out the door. Ta daa!!!
You would think that this would teach me a lesson about imagining the worst. But, anxiety is anxiety. I’ve long accepted that it is part of the struggle of being me. Exercise and writing lessen the worry. Certain days of my menstrual cycle make it worse. If I don’t sleep properly, all bets are off. Self-care is paramount.
Despite the knowledge that anxiety distorts reality, sometimes it still creeps around unmanaged. On those days my senses are heightened. Aches and pains morph into debilitating diseases. Stomach cramps become premonitions of disaster. A cough is synonymous with the black plague.
On my bad days, I try to laugh at myself. There is a bright side to all this isn’t there? I’m a writer with an active imagination. My anxiety is purposeful and provides me a creative edge. Just as long as the edge isn’t too sharp, I think I’ll be fine.
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I do the same I start stressing about such tedious things &it’s really not good for your health.
But laughing at yourself is good… we all need it sometimes!
Thank you for sharing such a beautifully written and personal post. Anxiety can be hard to live with so I admire your ability to laugh at yourself when it gets difficult and your courage to share.
I love personal posts like this, partially because it’s nice to know that I’m not alone. Overthinking is the most horrible thing ever. 🙁 I do hope your anxiety gets better over time. Xx
Wow that was very beautifully written. It’s amazing to come online and get to read such creative pieces.
I don’t get anxiety in the way you described but yes I do often imagine the worst. Can only imagine how difficult it must be. Thanks for sharing your experience
I think I started imagining the worst only after my child was born. Somehow I think having a child makes anxiety peak!
But if you are open to it, I would definitely suggest counselling! It changed my life when i was younger!
It is very brave in itself to come out and talk about anxiety! I know how overthinking can lead to one crazy thought after another. Hope you can find some creative ways to cope with it!
I think it’s great that you found ways, exercise and writing, to help you lessen the anxiety! It’s not easy living with anxiety, nor is it easy talking about it- but you are brave for sharing your experience <3
I love how you’ve taken it and turned it positive. You have such an amazing way of writing!
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