Sometimes I wonder if the loneliness of being a revert will ever go away. It isn’t simply the absence of ‘flesh and blood’ that share my vision of the hereafter that pains me, it’s the absence of belonging. Nomenclature aside, my values were developed in the home I grew up in. Although disagreements arise from the details, to my parents and brothers I am always welcome. It’s my global wanderings that have got me wondering.
Where do I fit in?
My “American-ness” is questioned on the daily, sometimes for stupid reasons. A semi-inflammatory example perhaps; I don’t drink beer, eat pork hot dogs, and stomp all over people on Black Friday, which I never did as a non-Muslim either (well perhaps a LITTLE stomping on Black Friday). Don a headscarf and people interpret actions differently. By the time we reach the “what do you mean you don’t date?” conversation and my fellow Americans have usually written me off as a joyless weirdo. Or brainwashed ninny. Or both. The good news is Americans and other Westerners are usually quite polite and shy about questioning my life choices.
On the other hand, my “Muslim-ness” is constantly called into questioned by the conservative Saudi society in which I live. Because I wear bright colors and don’t cover my face, some question the validity of my hijab. My piercings and love of skulls also causes discomfort and garners quite a bit of attention. A common criticism self-proclaimed ‘Salafis’ throw in my direction is that I shouldn’t wear bright colors, my sparkly nose ring, or a smile. Which essentially means, don’t do anything that comes naturally to me.
The reasoning provided by my critics is that hijab is designed to remove women from view and to allow us to fade into the background. And I always argue about it, because I don’t think hijab makes sense as a religious requirement unless women are out and about in the world. Why would we receive a verse about concealing our bodies from others, if we were to never be in the line of vision? Otherwise wouldn’t “women stay inside your homes” be easier and less open for interpretation?
I pose this question because I think my loneliness has to do with the fact that being an American Muslim living in Saudi — kindred spirits are far and few in between. One thing thing that has come from this experience is that I’m making a commitment to myself not to fake it. I could spend my entire life oscillating between two extremes to please everyone else, but what good would that do?
I used to let the loneliness drive me to seek friendships that were unfulfilling at best and soul-sucking at worst. I just cant do it anymore. I will just have to keep seeking out those other weirdos with lonely souls like mine. My energy is a precious gift and I don’t intend to waste it.
♥
I am a Dutch refert , living in Khobar. You are most welcome in my house. I wear hijab and also believe that you can be active as a muslim woman.
<3 jazak'Allah khair habibti. We will have to connect when I return back from vacation insha'Allah :)
Very good website – bookmarked
You’re so interesting! I do not believe I’ve read anything like this before. So wonderful to discover someone with original thoughts on this subject. Seriously.. thanks for starting this up. This web site is one thing that is required on the internet, someone with some originality!
Thanks for sharing this very true and spot on I often feel like I don’t fit in anywhere
I pray that you find a kindred spirit in Saudi to be friends with. What you are going through it really tough, and trying to fit in is just draining. Just be yourself and In Sha Allah the good people will be attracted to your smile.
Much Love all the way from London
First of all mashallah you are a revert sister. it takes so much courage to become a Muslim from a different faith and Allah has kept the highest status for you in jannah. I as a born Muslim often feel lonely as well. Believe it or not, I feel as if I cannot connect to everyone on the same level. I am a weirdo too, lol and I wish you the best in finding like minded friends in Saudi!
I am british revert living in the UK and i feel lonely too. I often feel like I’m stuck in the middle. Too Muslim to be British but too British to be Muslim. Does that make sense? I feel socially excluded by born Muslims as there is so much segregation here and I don’t belong in any of the born muslim ethnic groups. I feel better when I’m with my revert friends, who are from a variety of different countries and backgrounds. #Muslimahbloggers
too Muslim to be Circassian but too Circassian to be Muslim 🙂
This is how I feel, although Circassians are a Muslim nation. However, our traditions and ways of life have been convicted as “not Muslim enough”.
I feel ya on the in between! I’m American but Muslim, so in Saudi Arabia…sometimes people label me as ‘too American’ because Saudi Arabia has such a strict and literal interpretation of Islam. Of course, the Americans that are here don’t see the line between where I end and Saudi begins. Oh the life of an in-betweener. LOL
Being stuck in the middle makes COMPLETE sense to me <3 I also feel more at home with reverts, because they are familiar with the struggle and they don't try and push their culture on you. Particularly in Saudi Arabia, the culture can be all-consuming and overwhelming.
We are all in this in-between together 🙂
Glad to know that you are a revert Mashaa Allah but yes changing faith is not an easy thing. Your life becomes tough, you get criticized and what not but you have to so sabr because Allah will reward you for this Inshaa Allah. This is a test for you. May Allah make everything easy for you. I will pray for you Inshaa Allah 💕
Ameen ya Rub. Thanks 🙂
I keep trying to remember that this is my test, carefully crafted just for me! Sub7anAllah.
Ah ignore them. Everyone has something to say. Be who you want to be, do what feels right! I sometimes where bright coloured hijabs but thankfully no-one has said anything to me about that yet. I am a born muslim and I still sometimes feel lonely. I hardly have any muslim friends…most of my closest friends are non muslims. Just find a lot of the muslims judgemental…and then the don’t want to be friends with someone who’s faith might be currently a bit weaker then theirs incase they end up corrupted.
Jazak’Allah khair for your advice and support sis.
May Allah make it easy on us all. Ameen.
MashaAllah! I love reading about reverts from reverts. It is always hard trying to fit in. Even if not a place like saudi arabia. Anywhere. I do hope you find someone who you can connect to and who will benefit your faith. Indeed! No need to settle for just anybody. Life is too short. Sending you hugs and a pat on the back.
<3 jazak'Allah khair for your support! :)
A true to heart post. I have not got a chance to talk to a revert to know their Change. Now I understand what they could possibly go through. And I’m glad you decided not to waste your energy on such criticisms and comments. Let it go. May Allah bless you. Aameen!
Ameen ya Rub! Thank you dear! I’m glad that you learned some from my post. I think being a revert is such a unique experience. It requires a lot of patience and strength. And support from wonderful people 🙂
This was an eye opening article on your situation that many others go through here in the US. A friend recently told me that Eid is one of the loneliest days of the year for a revert…I can’t imagine how hard it is for you and others. May Allah make it easy.
Ameen ya Rub.
Allah is the best of planners. I spent quite a few lonely days, but I realized that I needed to get to know myself. Now I’m at peace with being alone. I enjoy it actually! I’d much rather spend fewer hours with quality people, than fill my life with meaningless interaction (like I used to). There is a certain loneliness in being Muslim with a non-Muslim family, but I’d say time makes most things manageable. 🙂
Thanks a ton for this particular piece of writing. I will talk about it with people I know.
Assalamu alaikum sister.
I’ve been Muslim 14 years. The lack of belonging gets worse as time goes on. Your novelty as being the new Muslim on the block wears off and all those people who used to invite you to their gatherings stop because they dont see you as a flight risk.
As my parents age, its increasingly difficult to reconcile the difference in world views and their end of life planning.
I have the perfect analogy and that is that we are like travelers, and this is the recommendation for how to live. It puts more things into perspective. We are not here in the dunya forever. This is just one stop along our journey to our final abode in jannah, ya rabb.
May we make the most out of our travels. Aameen.
When I originally left a comment I appear to have clicked
the -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and from
now on every time a comment is added I receive
four emails with the exact same comment. There has
to be a way you are able to remove me from that service?
Appreciate it!
Thank you for posting this. I thought I was the only one feeling the isolation.
You most certainly are not the only one. **hugs*** Everyone has some loneliness: that is by design to help us get closer to God. But Muslim converts/reverts can experience more isolation than most other “born” Muslims as we let go of some relationships and struggle to make new ones.
I visit daily some sites and information sites to read articles or reviews, except this website
gives feature based posts.